If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
