I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
