So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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