Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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