do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
