hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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