just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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