I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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