I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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