If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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