yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
