I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
