Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
