Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
