yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
