You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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