Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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