so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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