I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
