I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
