Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
