What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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