girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
