You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
