Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
