soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
