she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I will die if light touches me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
