covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
