What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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