Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
