i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
