Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
