i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
