i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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