Im at strip club and am horny
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
