so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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