Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
