glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like a drive thru vagina
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
