at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
