of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
