I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
