ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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