i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
