I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
