3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had sex on a roof
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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