I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
