Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
