WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
