I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
