Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
