It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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