I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
