I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
