Banned from zoo.
Again?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
